Beyond the Calm Surface: Understanding High-Functioning Anxiety

High functioning anxiety is like a duck swimming. On the surface things look super calm but under the surface its feet are paddling so quickly to stay afloat. Similarly, others make think you look completely put together but underneath you feel like you’re struggling.

What High-Functioning Anxiety Really Feels Like

High-functioning anxiety is one of those experiences that often goes unnoticed by others, and sometimes even by ourselves. On the outside, you may look composed, capable, and productive. You meet deadlines, show up for others, and seem to “have it all together.”

But inside, your mind rarely rests. There’s an undercurrent of tension, constant planning, self-criticism, and fear of not doing or being enough.

You might recognize yourself in some of these experiences:

  • You overprepare or overthink to prevent mistakes.

  • You have a hard time resting without guilt.

  • You feel a quiet panic when you’re not being productive.

  • You minimize your stress because others “have it worse.”

  • You appear calm while internally running through “what-ifs.”

What’s often misunderstood about high-functioning anxiety is that it’s not simply doing well while anxious—it’s doing well because you’re anxious. The anxiety itself becomes a driving force, a protective strategy that helps you stay safe through control, achievement, or perfection.

The Difference Between Anxiety and High-Functioning Anxiety

In “traditional” anxiety, symptoms may look more overt: panic attacks, racing heart, avoidance, or overwhelm that interrupts daily life. High-functioning anxiety, however, hides beneath competence and control. It’s often celebrated by systems, schools, workplaces, even families, that value performance and productivity.

People with high-functioning anxiety are often praised for being dependable, successful, and driven. These affirmations can reinforce the pattern, making it harder to slow down.

But beneath the achievements, there’s often a quiet fear:

“If I stop striving, everything might fall apart.”

This version of anxiety often looks like discipline, but at the cost of rest and self-compassion.

How I Helps Clients Understand What’s Really Happening

From a Somatic Internal Family Systems (IFS) perspective, high-functioning anxiety is a pattern of protection.

IFS teaches us that our mental experience is made up of parts, each with its own emotions, beliefs, and roles. When you experience high-functioning anxiety, certain parts (often what we call Manager parts) take over to keep you safe.

These parts might say things like:

  • “If I just keep it together, I won’t disappoint anyone.”

  • “I can’t rest because what if something goes wrong?”

  • “I have to stay in control, I can’t depend on anyone else to.”

  • “If I just work really hard, everything will be better.”

Your Managers learned these strategies long ago—maybe from growing up in a family where love was tied to achievement, or in a culture that values composure over emotion. Their intention isn’t to harm you. They’re protecting younger, more vulnerable parts (what IFS calls Exiles) that carry fear, shame, or memories of being criticized, overlooked, or not enough.

In other words, your anxiety is trying to help. It just doesn’t realize it no longer needs to work this hard.

What the Body Knows

I integrate the wisdom of the body with the parts work of IFS. When we slow down and turn attention inward, the body becomes a map for what’s happening inside.

High-functioning anxiety often shows up as:

  • Tightness in the chest or shoulders.

  • A held breath that never fully releases.

  • A racing heartbeat that you’ve learned to ignore.

  • Tension behind the eyes or jaw.

In sessions, we might gently notice these sensations and bring curiosity toward them:

“What part of me feels this tightness?”
“What is it trying to protect me from?”

The goal isn’t to make the anxiety disappear, but rather to understand it. When these protective parts finally feel seen and understood, their grip loosens. The body begins to soften and finally let in relaxation.

As Susan McConnell (2020) writes in Somatic Internal Family Systems Therapy, “The body reveals the stories of our parts; when we listen with compassion, healing becomes a whole-body experience.”

Healing Through Compassion, Not Control

If you live with high-functioning anxiety, you’ve probably tried to manage it by working harder—organizing more, planning better, staying one step ahead. But healing asks for something different. It asks you to slow down and listen to the parts of you that are driving so hard.

Through therapy and activities that you love, we help your system rediscover Self-energy—the grounded, compassionate awareness that can care for your parts instead of being run by them.

Healing might look like:

  • Breathing into your body and noticing where tension lives.

  • Meeting your perfectionist part with understanding instead of judgment.

  • Giving your overachieving part permission to rest.

  • Letting your anxious part know it doesn’t have to carry everything alone.

This is how we begin to move from doing safety to feeling safety.

A Gentle Reframe

Your anxiety is not evidence of failure but evidence of care. Somewhere deep down, there’s a part of you that has worked tirelessly to keep you safe, loved, and in control. You don’t need to fight that part. You just need to listen, understand, and slowly invite it to trust that you’re safe now.

You can still be capable and compassionate without running on overdrive. You can still achieve without fear as the fuel. You can rest and still be worthy.

Reflection for You

  • What does your anxiety want you to prevent or protect?

  • What happens in your body when you try to rest?

  • What might it feel like to trust that you don’t have to hold everything together?

Healing begins not when you fix your anxiety, but when you learn to befriend it.

References

McConnell, S. (2020). Somatic Internal Family Systems Therapy: Awareness, breath, resonance, movement, and touch in practice. W. W. Norton & Company.

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