When Success Comes with Pressure

Many of us grew up hearing explicit or implicit messages like “Work hard, make your family proud, and don’t waste the sacrifices that were made for you.” These messages often come from love, perseverance, and cultural survival. They’re passed down through generations that endured hardship by prioritizing endurance, humility, and achievement.

But over time, these values can turn into overwhelming pressure. You may feel driven to achieve, hesitant to rest, or afraid to disappoint others, while constantly living with a quiet sense of “not enough.”

For children of immigrants and those navigating bicultural identities, success often carries layers of meaning between family, belonging, worth, and identity. And when these layers collide, anxiety and burnout often follow.

When Cultural Expectations Activate the Manager Parts

In the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model, Manager parts are protective parts of us that try to maintain control, prevent pain, and keep us functioning. They often push us to achieve, plan, perfect, or please others.

For many clients from immigrant or multicultural backgrounds, these Manager parts are especially strong.

They developed for good reasons—often modeled by caregivers who had to survive in systems that demanded strength, adaptability, and self-silencing. If your parents or ancestors had to work twice as hard to be seen or safe, your Manager parts likely learned the same lesson: You must always be prepared, competent, and composed.

These Managers might say things like:

“You can’t rest or else you’ll fall behind.”
“You need to make your family proud.”
“Don’t show weakness; people will lose respect.”
“You should succeed at everything you do.”
“You need to do well in school.”
“You need to get a respectable and financially stable job.”

While these parts helped you and your past generations succeed and survive, they can also keep you disconnected from your body, your needs, and your softer emotions. Over time, the internal pressure builds, and burnout follows.

As Richard Schwartz (2021) notes, Managers “work tirelessly to maintain control over inner and outer worlds,” often out of fear that things will fall apart if they don’t. When culture reinforces this fear—through expectations of excellence, loyalty, and emotional restraint—these parts can become overactivated, leaving little space for rest or spontaneity.

Cultural Values and the Anxiety of “Not Enough”

In many immigrant and AAPI communities, achievement is often tied to identity and belonging. Success is seen not just as personal fulfillment but as proof of family sacrifice was worth it. When these values are internalized, the drive to succeed can morph into chronic anxiety. You can find yourself constantly scanning for where you might fall short.

This is what psychologists refer to as high-functioning anxiety: you appear capable and calm, but internally, your Manager parts are working overtime to prevent criticism, failure, or shame.

Somatic IFS brings awareness to how this anxiety shows up in the body (think: tight shoulders, a held breath, an ever-present sense of tension). When we pause and notice these sensations, we begin to see that they’re not signs of failure; they’re signals from protective parts doing their best to keep you safe.

Burnout Through a Cultural Lens

Burnout happens when your Managers can no longer hold it all together. You might feel detached, numb, or exhausted—emotionally and physically.

Culturally, burnout is often misunderstood. It can be dismissed as weakness or seen as something you can fix by “trying harder.” But through an IFS and somatic lens, burnout is a message from your system that your protectors are overwhelmed and your deeper, more vulnerable parts are longing to be seen.

By working gently with your Managers (not fighting them) we help them trust that you don’t need to achieve or over-function to be safe. This allows space for other parts to emerge: the part of you that longs for rest, play, and connection.

Healing Doesn’t Mean Rejecting Your Culture

Using a cultural lens in therapy doesn’t mean rejecting your background—it means understanding how your parts have adapted within it. Many of your Managers carry your family’s wisdom and survival strategies. We honor them while also helping them release the belief that constant striving is the only path to safety.

Healing means holding both truths:

I can honor where I come from.
I can still redefine what success and rest mean for me.

In IFS work, we often invite your Self (your inner compassionate core) to be in relationship with your protective parts. This process allows healing that honors both your personal and cultural story.

As Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh (1998) reminds us, mindfulness helps us “embrace our suffering with tenderness.” When combined with IFS, mindfulness helps your Managers feel seen, respected, and no longer alone in their vigilance.

Reclaiming Rest, Redefining Worth

For many with immigrant or bicultural backgrounds, rest can feel uncomfortable, or worse guilt-inducing. Yet rest is what allows your nervous system to return to balance. It’s what lets your Managers know that safety doesn’t have to come from constant doing.

Somatic practices such as breathwork, grounding, or mindful movement help integrate this truth into your body. They send the message: It’s okay to pause. I’m still safe.

When your Managers can rest, your inner world begins to soften. You start to lead from Self-energy: calm, clarity, compassion, and connection. And from there, healing unfolds naturally.

Time to Reflect

Take a moment to ask yourself:

Which parts of me carry the weight of family expectations?
How do they show up in my body?
What might change if I thanked them for protecting me and invited them to rest?

Remember: your drive, your care, and your strength are not flaws. They are the legacy of survival and love. Through IFS, you can honor those parts while giving yourself permission to live with ease.

References

Chang, E. C. (2017). The model minority myth: Internalization and implications for well-being among Asian American college students. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 64(2), 141–153. https://doi.org/10.1037/cou0000182

Hanh, T. N. (1998). The heart of the Buddha’s teaching: Transforming suffering into peace, joy, and liberation.Broadway Books.

McConnell, S. (2020). Somatic internal family systems therapy: Awareness, breath, resonance, movement and touch in practice. W. W. Norton & Company.

Schwartz, R. C. (2021). No bad parts: Healing trauma and restoring wholeness with the Internal Family Systems model. Sounds True.

Sue, D. W. (2016). Multicultural social work practice: A competency-based approach to diversity and social justice.John Wiley & Sons.

How Cultural Expectations Shape Anxiety and Burnout: An IFS Perspective