How Can Caregivers Navigate the Holidays with More Ease & Balance
Welcome Back to My Holistic Healing Interview Series
Today I’m interviewing Chloe France, MSW, who is a social worker specializing in working with folks with dementia and their caregivers. We wanted to talk today about the upcoming holidays and why caregivers may need and benefit from some specialized support.
Can you give a little background about your experience working with caregivers?
Yes! I started working with caregivers (both informal and formal caregivers) at residential care facilities in Portland as an activity director. After finishing my Master’s of Social Welfare program, I worked in a memory care facility in Berkeley as a social worker for several years. I now work at the UCSF Memory and Aging Center with dementia caregivers. In each environment, I’ve been lucky to work with many different caregivers—friends, neighbors, siblings, children, partners and spouses.
What about the holidays can make caregiving extra stressful?
I think the holidays demand a lot out of us, and they can give us the expectation that we should be busy and feeling particularly cheerful, when often it can actually be a time of heightened grief and exhaustion. Busy schedules and activities that were once doable may now be difficult for both the caregiver and the person they are caring for. Caregivers may have visitors around their loved one who have not seen them in a while and are noticing their physical or cognitive decline in a new way. The holiday season can bring up a lot.
How should caregivers and their loved ones adjust their expectations around holidays?
Planning ahead and communication goes a long way. I encourage caregivers to schedule events on the day that works best for them, even if it is not on the actual day of the holiday. It can also be greatly helpful to preserve the routine for the person you are caring for as much as possible, and set expectations with visitors ahead of time.
“If you need a season of rest, that is what should be prioritized. If you need connection, I encourage you to find spaces to be with community. Do what works best for you, there is no wrong answer.”
What ways or resources can caregivers use to feel less isolated during this time?
I encourage caregivers to connect with other caregivers—it’s important to be in community with other people who “get it.” Connecting can look like joining an online caregiver forum, attending a virtual support group, finding a nearby Memory Cafe, or reaching out to someone in your own community who is also caregiving. It can also be supportive to work with a counselor who understands the caregiving experience.
How can caregivers adapt and involve their loved ones in celebrations, considering their cognitive and physical abilities?
A specific tip I love is if you are attending a big gathering, arrange for a quiet place for the person you are caring for to be alone or to have one-on-one or small group visits. Communicate with visitors on how best to connect with the person. This could mean bringing something to share with them, asking one question at a time or highlighting certain topics they enjoy. Holiday activities are great to engage in, they may just need a bit of modification. A caregiver once shared that his wife who had dementia continued to go to plays - they just started leaving at intermission.
What advice would you give to caregivers trying to find time for self-care during this busy season?
Schedule ahead. Even brief respite can be very valuable. This may look like hiring a private caregiver for a few hours each week, or asking a trusted neighbor to come by for an hour so you can get a haircut, take a nap, go on a hike - whatever is nourishing for you. I think many well meaning people offer something vague like “let me know if I can help.” Caregivers having a specific time they can plan on taking a break is deeply helpful. Caregivers are often used to being the person caring for others - it’s okay to ask for help and it’s okay to accept it.
If you could offer any encouragement to caregivers this holiday season, what would it be?
I am humbled by the caregivers I work with, I think they are incredible. I find that they are often feeling guilt around the way they are caregiving, or feel they are not doing enough. I encourage caregivers to give themselves so much grace, find ways to nourish themselves, and connect with a community who understands.
Disclaimer:
This interview is for informational and educational purposes only. It does not constitute medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The views expressed are those of the individual professionals and do not necessarily represent Tiny Cottage Therapy. If you are seeking medical or mental health support, please consult a qualified provider in your area. While we sometimes share professional referrals, this interview is not a paid or promotional partnership.