How to Set New Year’s Goals That Honor Your Healing: Trauma-Informed Resolutions

For many people, the New Year carries a sense of possibility; think fresh starts, big dreams, new habits. But on the flip side, this idea that we need to create major change in our lives can provoke anxiety and internalized pressure. Instead of excitement, you might feel guilt, or dread every time someone asks “Do you have any New Year’s Resolutions?”. The idea of setting ambitious goals might bring up feelings of failure, not hope.

Taking a trauma-informed approach to New Year’s resolutions offers something gentler:

• Intention without self-punishment

• Growth without overwhelm

• Change rooted in self-trust rather than self-criticism

Here’s how to approach goal-setting in a way that supports your nervous system and honours your lived experience.

Why New Year’s Resolutions Feel Overwhelming

Most New Year’s resolutions mirror the societal pressures of “push harder, be better, do more.” But many of us struggle with how we relate to pressure, expectations, and self-evaluation.

You may:

• Feel afraid of disappointing yourself or others

• Freeze when you try to plan too far ahead

• Feel activated by perfectionistic goals

• Shut down when a plan feels too rigid

• Struggle with motivation because your nervous system is overwhelmed, not lazy

It’s normal that when society says, “Set big goals,” your nervous system may say, “I can’t” or “I don’t want to.” That doesn’t mean you “can’t handle it” or that something wrong’s with you, it likely means your system is actually craving safety and security this year. To add on lots of big goals and pressure would only create more stress.

What Trauma-Informed Care Really Means

Trauma-informed care is an approach that recognizes how past experiences shape the way a person thinks, feels, reacts, and copes in the present. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” trauma-informed care asks,

“What happened, and how is my nervous system trying to protect me?”

It prioritizes safety, compassion, collaboration, and empowerment. It acknowledges that overwhelm, shutdown, procrastination, or self-criticism are not personal failures but rather adaptations. In my therapy practice, I use a trauma-informed lens to help clients move at a pace that feels safe and sustainable. This means we don’t force change and we never measure against perfection as the standard. Instead, we explore your goals with curiosity, respect your nervous system’s signals, and build the kind of self-trust that creates real, lasting transformation.

1. Start With Regulation

Before writing a single goal, check in with your body.

Ask yourself:

• What does my body need right now?

• Do I feel grounded? Overwhelmed? Frozen?

• What helps me feel safe enough to think about the future?

Simple grounding practices (deep breaths, feet on the floor, holding something warm or cold) help your nervous system shift into a state where planning feels possible.

Resolutions created from a regulated state will always be kinder and more sustainable. If you have a hard time grounding with stillness, there are other options for you.

2. Replace “Goals” With “Intentions”

Instead of setting rigid SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, timely) goals, try creating intentions that allow for shifting capacity and emotions. Intentions can help educe the shame that often accompanies unmet goals. You can also use goals with a range of ways it can be achievable.

Traditional expectation:

• “I will work out 5 days a week.”

Gentle intention:

• “I want to support my body in ways that feel nourishing this year.”

Goal with range:

• I will move my body more often, while still allowing for rest.

This flexibility and openness honors the reality that healing isn’t linear and that the future is often unpredictable and out of our control.

3. Make Your Goals Feel Safe, Not Threatening

Ask yourself:

• Does this goal feel supportive or stressful?

• Is this something I truly want—or something I think I should want?

If a goal feels heavy, demanding, or shame-based, it will activate your nervous system rather than support it.

Your goals should feel like an open door, not a cliff.

4. Choose Micro-Goals Instead of Major Life Overhauls

Trauma-informed goal-setting values consistency over intensity.

Small, doable steps help build little dopamine-boosting-moments your nervous system can trust. Examples:

• 5 minutes of tidying instead of “get organized”

• One grounding practice instead of “fix my anxiety”

• Adding something supportive instead of eliminating everything “bad”

These small shifts accumulate and reinforce self-trust.

5. Build Flexibility Into the Plan

A trauma-informed approach recognizes that capacity changes from day to day, week to week, or month to month.

Give yourself permission to:

• Pause

• Adjust

• Rest

• Resume

• Try again

You are allowed to change your intentions and goals throughout the year, you can adapt or add new ones if you want. You are in charge and these are up to you.

6. Avoid Measuring Your Year Against Perfection

This part is essential. Trauma and perfectionism often intertwine:

• You may feel you need to “get it right”

• You may fear that any slip means you’ve failed

• You may believe that progress only counts if it’s flawless

Gently remind your system that perfectionism is often a learned response to past experiences of:

• Not feeling in control

• Being harmed

• Feeling rejected or not belonging

• Being disappointed

A trauma-informed New Year’s practice invites you to release perfection as the measuring stick for your life.

Try asking yourself:

• What if my goal didn’t require perfection to be meaningful?

• What would this look like at 20% effort?

• If I treated myself like someone worth being patient with, how would I approach this intention?

Progress is not undone by pauses, missteps, or slow days. Healing includes imperfect days by design. You don’t need to earn your worth with flawless performance.You already deserve care, rest, softness, and possibility, exactly as you are now.

7. Seek Support When Goal-Setting Feels Triggering

If you feel shame, overwhelm, or hopelessness while planning for the year, that’s not a character flaw. It’s often a sign your nervous system needs support, safety, or co-regulation.

Therapy can help you:

• Understand your nervous system

• Explore why certain goals feel threatening

• Develop self-compassion around change

• Create resolutions that honour your pace

• Break free from survival-based perfectionism

Healing and goal-setting can grow together.

Invitation to Start Your Healing Journey with Therapy

If New Year’s resolutions leave you feeling overwhelmed, pressured, or stuck, maybe you’d like some more support and help reaching your goals.

I support clients in creating trauma-informed, compassionate approaches to growth and healing. Together, we can explore what feels supportive for you, without pressure or perfection.

If you’re ready to start the year with gentleness and clarity, reach out today to schedule a free consultation call.