For years, you didn't have words for what you were.

Not accurate words, anyway. Not words that felt right. You'd say "mixed" and people would nod politely. You'd say "half-Asian" and feel something twist inside you, like you were suggesting to being incomplete. You'd stumble through explanations at family gatherings, in new friend groups, on forms that asked you to check a single box.

I still remember making tiny play-dough potstickers, when I visited my grandparents' in California growing up, and watching my Abu (grandma) make tiny perfect folds with the bright pink “dough”. I was learning about my Chinese heritage through food (fake and real), through my grandparents' stories (when they would share them), through the few Mandarin and Shanghainese words I picked up. And I was also sitting at the dinner table knowing my dad's family cooked differently, spoke differently, saw the world differently.

"What are you?"

"Where are you really from?"

"But you don't look..."

If these questions feel painfully familiar, you're not alone.

A colleague of mine was describing a helpful healing practices she was doing as “a little woo woo,” casting her eyes down as if awaiting a verbal blow of judgment from me. Instead she seemed surprised and a little cautious when I offered curiosity instead “Oh, that sounds really cool, could you tell me more about that?”. I don’t need to specify what practice she was talking about, because maybe it was meditation, somatic therapy, energy work, intuition, or anything that didn’t fit neatly into a Western, evidence-based box. We’ve all heard someone use the phrase “woo woo” in a way that invokes judgment and shame around a potentially helpful practice.

Rooted in thousands of years of Chinese culture, Lunar New Year (LNY) marks a collective pause between what has been and what is becoming. Unlike the urgency often felt leading up to January 1st, Lunar New Year invites reflection, restoration, and intentional movement forward.

Today, I’m interviewing Dr. Deborah Ma (aka Dr. Deb)  of Puzzle Acupuncture in San Francisco. Dr. Deb is a Doctor of Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) and a licensed acupuncturist with over 17 years of clinical experience. Her journey in medicine began at the Beijing University of Chinese Medicine—the world’s top TCM university—where she earned both a medical degree and PhD. She spent a decade working at Beijing United Family Hospital, China’s premier private hospital, where she collaborated daily with OB/GYNs, neurologists, and pediatricians.

“Be a team player.” If you’ve ever read a job posting or sat through a performance review, you’ve probably seen this phrase. It sounds innocent, even virtuous. After all, teamwork is important, right?

But here’s the thing: this so-called “team player” expectation often comes with hidden costs that not everyone feels them equally.