Most of us move through life with a long list of things we should be doing. But “shoulds” aren’t values. They’re often inherited expectations passed down from family, culture, community, or workplace norms. And when those expectations guide our choices more than our inner compass does, we end up feeling disconnected, resentful, overwhelmed, or unsure of who we are and what we want.

“Be a team player.” If you’ve ever read a job posting or sat through a performance review, you’ve probably seen this phrase. It sounds innocent, even virtuous. After all, teamwork is important, right?

But here’s the thing: this so-called “team player” expectation often comes with hidden costs that not everyone feels them equally.

As the days grow shorter and the temperatures drop, many people notice their mood shifting. November, especially, tends to bring a wave of heaviness, tiredness, or unexpected sadness. If you’ve ever wondered “Why do I feel down every November?”, you’re far from alone.

Helping professionals and anyone whose job centers on supporting others—tend to be some of the most compassionate, emotionally attuned people in the workforce. Yet those same strengths make them particularly vulnerable to burnout.

Birthdays are supposed to be joyful, affirming milestones—but for many people-pleasers, they can feel wildly uncomfortable. If you find yourself dreading your birthday rather than looking forward to it, you’re not alone. Here’s why this happens, what’s going on beneath the surface, and how you can navigate it more gently.

Welcome Back to My Holistic Healing Interview Series

Today I’m interviewing Chloe France, MSW, who is a social worker specializing in working with folks with dementia and their caregivers. We wanted to talk today about the upcoming holidays and why caregivers may need and benefit from some specialized support. 

In this first installment of Tiny Cottage Therapy’s new Holistic Healing Interview Series:

Discover how naturopathic medicine supports mental health by addressing the body’s root causes. We speak with Dr. Kirstin Uncur, ND, a naturopathic doctor specializing in mental health, hormone balance, and chronic fatigue. Dr. Uncur shares how understanding the body’s communication—through digestion, inflammation, and nutrient balance—can transform emotional wellbeing.

High-functioning anxiety is one of those experiences that often goes unnoticed by others, and sometimes even by ourselves. On the outside, you may look composed, capable, and productive. You meet deadlines, show up for others, and seem to “have it all together.”

Caregiving is deeply relational work. Whether you’re caring for aging parents, chronically ill family members, or loved ones with disability, you carry both visible tasks and invisible emotional burdens. In APIDA communities, these burdens often overlap with cultural expectations of filial piety, sacrifice, and duty.

Many of us grew up hearing explicit or implicit messages like “Work hard, make your family proud, and don’t waste the sacrifices that were made for you.” These messages often come from love, perseverance, and cultural survival. They’re passed down through generations that endured hardship by prioritizing endurance, humility, and achievement.

But over time, these values can turn into overwhelming pressure. You may feel driven to achieve, hesitant to rest, or afraid to disappoint others, while constantly living with a quiet sense of “not enough.”

When clients come to therapy, many wonder whether their cultural background “matters” in the work. The short answer? It absolutely does.

As a Somatic Internal Family Systems (Somatic IFS) practitioner, one of the most common questions I hear is:

“What is Somatic IFS and how can it help me?”

Many of my clients come to me after years of intellectualizing their problems, feeling like they understand their struggles but still feel stressed in their bodies. That’s where Somatic IFS makes a difference. It integrates the mind and the body, offering a path to healing that goes deeper than words—so you can feel lasting change from the inside out.

You find yourself staying at your Outlook email feeling dread, overwhelm, and maybe a sense of detachment from the excited new hire you once were. You’re over caffeinated but still feeling drained. The coworkers and supervisor you once thought would be friends and mentors, feel like strangers or worse—enemies.

If you find yourself wondering “Should I quit my job?”, you are not alone. The fact that you are even thinking about it, means it’s time to pause and reflect on your next steps.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” “What are you doing to do with your major?” “What’s your plan after school?”

How many of us couldn’t even count the numbers of times we were asked these questions in our lifetimes. Living in the U.S. especially there is so much pressure to find a perfect job in a good career path. Often this lifelong pressure leads towards disappointment when we finally land the job that we were supposed to love.

Many of us grew up believing that being “nice” meant saying yes, keeping the peace, and putting others’ needs first. On the surface, this looks generous and kind. But beneath the surface, people-pleasing often has less to do with kindness and more to do with fear.

So many of us feel this deep need to help, support, and care for others. This is not a bad quality, in a lot of cases it can be an absolutely good quality. However, sometimes we get so plugged into this role of giving to others that we completely deplete ourselves. Understanding the differences between empathy and responsibility can be a key step in making sure you don’t overextend and can keep being that kind caring human that you are!

If you've ever tried to meditate or take a deep breath, only to feel more anxious instead of calmer, you're not alone. For many people—especially those with anxiety—the idea of relaxing can feel uncomfortable, or even threatening. This reaction even has a name: relaxation-induced anxiety or relaxation-induced panic. It may sound counterintuitive, but it happens to people all the time.

I’m starting a new virtual support group for adults who identify as mixed-race, multiethnic, or multicultural Asian, Pacific Islander, and/or Desi American (APIDA).

It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a long time…